Category: Writers Block
so, here is the story I wrote in English Class. I'm proud of it!
Andrew was looking for a pair of sneakers to go for a nightly walk. He started to walk outside and as usual, flicked the lights on. He went to get a cookie from the pantry when the lights suddenly turned off. He heard a noise outside his bedroom window. He opens it to find a 6 foot vampire! Andrew let out a scream but no one heard him. “You will die, Andrew!” said the vampire. The vampire stares at Andrew with a hypnotic stare, his fangs close to his pale neck! Andrew screams and runs away only to find that the vampire was holding him by the scruff of his neck, his fangs extended, and before Andrew could do anything, bit his neck till Andrew dropped to the floor. The next day, his mother was calling Andrew’s name. when she didn’t receive any response, she goes to his bedroom only to find the boy on the floor, with bites on his neck, and a terrified look. she inspects him more closely and doesn’t hear any heartbeat. The vampire returns that night later, and says, “Oh you must be Andrew’s mother! You’re my next meal!” His mother got out a whip but it was too late. He had bitten her and hid the boddies somewhere were the police wouldn’t find them.
in case you're wondering, this is the whole story so... yeah.
So you mean the two bodies don't wake from the dead, dig their way out of the hole they were hidden under and go searching for revenge, not on that vampire himself, but against his whole race? :D
hahaha, nope. the vampire hid them pretty well. And, well, one does. the
boy... Andrew. He builds a bow and arrow made out of garlic and wooden
stakes. :d
I'd love to see you succeed. What you have here is an idea, or rather the beginnings of an idea. It's also written more as an outline than a story. Your idea is one built on conventional vampire tropes, and would be worth thinking about more, especially in a class setting. Whether writing is or isn't your thing, think about this:
You have a skeliton here, hbarely held together with screws, and half of whose bones are missing. Think about making it back into an exotic creature shape and putting some flesh on those bones. As I'm reading this, these are just some of the questions that came to mind as I was reading this. How late was it? Why was andrew going for a nightly walk? Why was it nightly? He heads outside, then flicks the lights on, goes to the pantry to get a cookie, the lights turn off and he hears a noise outside his bedroom window. Either he's got a REALLY tiny house - which considering there are people specifically living in tiny houses now could be possible - or you need to think about your sequence of events. So he opens the door and a vampire is standing there. Now, how loose do you want to be with your lore? Or are you Stephanie Myring it and making up your own? In that case, find something unique to jmake it stand out. Love her or hate her, Stepohanie Myre's vampires do set themselves apart from some of the conventions. Whether that's a good thing is up to her and her readers. Treditionally, vampires can't enter a dwelling unless they are invited. Great opportunity for some character interaction there. So Andrew is then hypnotized. What was that like? What did it feel like? How did he break free enough to engage the fight or flight response and run away? For that matter, how did this vampire know Andrew's name? Could be creepy to explore that. So many questions!
So then Andrew's mother finds his lifeless corpse. Apparently the vampire dragged him back into his own bedroom; that was nice of him. What happened between that grisley discovery and the time the vampire returns? Did she go to the police? Grieve? Have a party? Does she come from a long line of "little home" dwelling vampire hunters and spend the day preparing for vengence? If not, then what in blazes is she doing with a whip? was the vampire toying with Andrew's mother by not hiding Andrew's body right off? Where were the bodies hidden?
I'm not sure why I felt the need to delve into this so much. maybe because almost nobody posts fiction on here - it's only ever poetry. Or maybe I just remember what it's like being sixteen and trying to write something. Heck, I even wrote my own vampire story.
thanks, guardian. I'll rewrite it and make it better. If I ever could... I was
going to send it to the english teacher but I got nervous and... well, didn't.
Wow, now that's someone I'd show my stories to.
Not being sarcastic. Your post was in a way funny, but it was all constructive criticism. And this comes from one who lives for writing stories but feels always blocked when trying, and never shares them with anyone, or very rarely.
I agree a good start.